And now, a word from our sponsor

July 3, 2007 at 12:44 pm (The Easy Chair)

Well, not really. I haven’t figured out how to pimp this gig into a moneymaker, and it’s not why I do it anyway. (I’ve always wanted to write a book, but my organizational skills are pitiful.) Who would sponsor me? Olde English 800? Fred Meyer’s Big & Tall Department? I’ve already sang the praises of Ben & Jerry’s to death.

This isn’t about my commercials. This is about the ones I see on TV, and how they drive me bonkers…

First, the LiveLinks ad that is repeated six or seven times during the 3 AM rerun of the 10 O’Clock News. You know, the bubbleheads looking for cute guys. I don’t mind staring at the babes, but that annoying guy that says, “It’s live and it’s free. What are you waiting for??” Two guys show up at the door of these four hotties, and the dipshit still won’t get off the phone. I guess the conversation is just that good.

Jingles involving nursery rhymes piss me off as well. Itsy Bitsy Spider? Grr. There are others, but if I think too hard about it, I’ll be stuck with earworms all day.

Sleep Country USA is the worst violator this time of year. Not that ‘Why buy a mattress anywhere else’ jingle, but what has been popping up inevitably: the ‘Christmas in July’ campaign.

It was cute the first time I saw it. Musical numbers, Santa hats. Then I saw it again. And again. Then it came back the next July. So I have to keep the remote nearby, mute button at the ready, until at least the first week of August. It’s not so bad when it’s stifled. I *like* looking…

I’ve always had the hots for the new spokesmodel, the one that replaced Sunny Kobe Cook. Despite repeated Googling, I could find nothing about her. I even wrote the company, asking about her, but got stony silence as a reply. I’m probably in a stalker file somewhere.

Recently I ran into a person who works for the company, and he clued me in. She’s just a spokesperson, a married mom with the look that appeals to the mattress-buying demographic. I thought it was for the MILF-factor, but I guess women between 30-50 are the biggest purchasers of mattresses.

She stays out of the limelight, other than the ads. But she lives in the dreams of middle-aged perverts everywhere. Including the guy who told me about her. When I told him of my lust from afar, he launched into a naughty diatribe about all the things he’d like to do if she hung out at the mattress shop. It was a speech that would make Bob Saget blush. So I guess I am not alone.

The ads haven’t started yet, and I hope the whole ‘X-mas in July’ thing has died a slow and painful death. (It was slow and painful for me.) But I hope the cute spokesperson keeps coming around, during ballgames and such. She looks so cute, curled up on that mattress.

I’d be happy to put her picture on my blog…

For a small fee, of course.