Rest in Pieces
A fellow blogger recently wrote a post about favorite pieces of clothing in ones wardrobe. His timing couldn’t be more perfect. I’m in the process of ‘wearing a shirt to death’.
Is this just a guy thing?
When I was a young ‘un, it was hard to find clothes that fit. ‘Husky’ came close, but the biggest sizes often were still a couple too small, so I had to squeeze into whatever was available.
Big and Tall didn’t sell casual clothes back then. My parents spent $300 on a suit for church, but I hated being seen in public wearing it. (A twelve-year-old in a suit in 1973 was pretty hilarious to my classmates.) The JC Penney had some stuff, but it was more expensive than that which almost fit, so I got the purple corduroy bell-bottoms instead of the San Francisco Riding gear. I had to walk carefully, and if I stretched too far, that ripping sound meant a phone call home. Come get me, mom!
I discovered Value Village, where I could get grown-up pants for $1-$2 per pair. It was allowance well spent. I scored big baggy tee shirts and pants that fit. One pair of pants, wide legged jeans, fit perfectly, and I wore them for over a year. Patches layered five deep in the thigh area, where walking had worn them through. Looking back, I was a gutter-punk before they even existed.
I also had an old Minnesota Vikings jersey, number 91. It lasted me about five years.
Another favorite was my Oregon State University tee shirt. It was bright orange, and had a picture of Disney’s Goofy on the front. Someone with a felt pen and an artful eye drew a big strawberry on the back, and wrote ‘Strawberry Sneak’ across the shoulders, like a name on a football jersey. (Apropos for a redhead, don’tcha think?) I bought it at the Value Village in Tacoma, while playing hooky from a church assembly. (On one of several attempts to see the King Tut exhibit. I’m *so* glad it sold out as often as it did…)
I wore that one into my twenties. My mother, never one to condone being alone with my EX-wife, sent us off to the cabin in the back of the property, on the condition that the shirt be unwearable when I return. It took a couple of hours, but she managed to get it torn off of me. The ex handed it to my mom when we came back, who immediately threw it into the wood stove. So long old friend! While sad to see it go, I must admit it was the most fun I’ve had tossing an old shirt.
The generation of clothes about to die? Most are from the mid to late ’90s. I have a bunch of tee shirts made by Discus, which were my favorite before they went extinct. I had ten or fifteen, and am now down to three. The next to die is the one I call my ‘never loan your tee shirt to Biggie Smalls’ tee shirt. It has what looks like three bullet holes sewn up, and the sleeves are starting to shred.
The next generation, though not as durable, came from Texas. My uncle bought me some clothes on a trip there, and four tee shirts are still around. One won’t be much longer.
It’s my lucky green one. It was a size smaller than the others, and had a slimming look, so it got lots of wear. The puppy hooked it with its claws and tore the front open. I sewed it back up, and wore it to the girlfriend’s house for rib night, etc… (What Mizelle would call an ‘eatin’ dress’.) It now looks like I’ve been hit with a twelve-guage, the collar has disintegrated, and there are no more armpits.
But it’ll last one more wash. I just won’t wear it in public…
Then there’s the work clothes dilemma. Other than shoes, I don’t spend much on work clothes. Since I handle empty beer cans and pop bottles, have to mop up unnameable substances and am constantly hooking things on nails, screws, etc… I have quit trying to be pretty at work. I wear that which has the most holes first, and hope the nicer things don’t get damaged too soon.
But all good things come to an end. The button-down shirts with side pockets that I’ve been wearing for the last three or four years have become too ratty even for me, so I had to go shopping today. I had coupons for Fred Meyer’s, and with their Rewards program, I managed to get a $38 shirt for $9.20. It doesn’t have the cool side pockets I like, but it fits, the collar doesn’t hang off, and the sides aren’t ventilated with six-inch rips. It’ll do until I find something more durable.
And the ‘more holy than righteous’ green tee shirt I’m wearing right now? I’ll find someone willing to tear it off of me someday. Then I’ll put it in a little boat, set it ablaze, and float it down the Willamette, Viking style.
And hope the river doesn’t catch on fire…
