Motivated? Me?
I’ve never been one for New Year’s Resolutions. Sure, I’ve planned ahead. It’s the only way I can quit some things. (Alcohol, white powders, cigarettes, girlfriends.) If I know it’s something that has to be done, I do it. But first I have to wrap my head around the whole notion of quitting (or starting) whatever it is I plan to do, and normally the calendar doesn’t dictate that.
Which is why I find it ironic that I’m doing one of the most cliched of New Year’s resolutions.
I’m going on a diet.
Okay, I could call it a lifestyle change. (That conjures up images of me choosing man purse or fanny pack.) My lifestyle has changed a lot over the last couple of decades, all for the better. But my feeding habits need adjusting, and the time to begin has come.
I’ve been diagnosed with diabetes. It’s early stage, and I don’t need to use meds or needles yet. I immediately began cutting useless sugars out of my life when I was told, and have lost about twenty pounds. (Damn, I miss sweet sweet mochas in the morning…) My soda intake, never large, is reasonable, or so I thought. My steady diet of ‘everything’ bagels with deli meat and cheese? I get the good stuff, so that’s healthy, right? The other day it was time to find out.
I met with a dietitian, and learned a few things. She showed me charts and graphs, quizzed my knowledge of the food pyramid, and went over the list of things I’d been eating for the last couple of weeks. She’d conferred with my doctor, and laid this little gem on me.
“It’s nice to work with someone as motivated as you.”
Ahem. I looked over my shoulder. Moi? The only time I consider myself highly motivated is when I’m chasing girls or the last bus home from work. But hey, if she buys into that, okay. It makes me wonder how difficult the less-motivated are though.
My Denver scramble? A small potato, eggs, green pepper, onion, ham or roast beef and cheese? Sounds kinda healthy, but it has two day’s worth of carbs in it. It’s all about counting the carbs. I asked, “Is this like the Atkins Diet?”
An evil smirk passed over her face. “Heavens no!” She explained how I needed some carbs, but not much. And I’m supposed to start eating small meals all day long.
Grr…
I now have apples tenderizing across the room. I bought a high fiber granola cereal that tastes just like my favorite Ben & Jerry’s, minus the ice cream. I loved the incredulous look I got from ThatGirl when I picked up the head of broccoli at the store. I looked at cauliflower, and decided against it. Baby steps…
While I haven’t become efficient at carb-counting, I’m now aware. One thing the dietitian was firm on, I need to stop drinking sugared soda. This is one of my favorite after-work rewards! (If my beer intake matched my soda intake, I would not be an alcoholic.) She would allow me 4-8 ounces of soda. However, if I can tolerate Coke Zero, I have a daily limit of 29 cases. (Her words.)
Diet soda is like kissing your sister. What’s the point?
There are things I can do. Less bagel, lots of meat. (I can have all the meats and veggies I can stand.) The head of broccoli is disappearing faster than the apples. The high fiber granola? I ate half the box in one sitting the other night when I had the munchies. If I want to stick to the serving size, I must find something that tastes a little crappier.
I haven’t given up on dessert. I have two pints of Ben & Jerry’s stashed in my freezer, where they’ve been for about ten days now. I have another one stashed across town, where I know it’ll be safe until my next visit. Someone promised me peanut butter-chocolate chip cookie bars, and I’m saving room for that. I told the dietitian I’d stop using honey roasted peanuts as a dessert, (they sound healthy) as soon as the jar is gone. And I plan on trying my first bottle of Coke Zero after work tonight.
One confession: when buying broccoli the other day, I also bought two giant chocolate covered cream puffs. Might as well go out with a bang! Only 44 grams of carbs, times two. The dietitian recommended 90 grams for my midday meal. So I filled up on chicken strips and broccoli, and finished off with two cream puffs.
And I still have two grams of carbs to spare. Happy fuckin’ new year!
