Dingleberry Gazette

I’m a little scatterbrained today. Don’t know why, could be the ongoing head cold. I wake up feeling ‘floaty-headed’ and it takes a few minutes to clear the lungs. Coffee isn’t helping the brain power, so bear with me if I drift around off-topic.

I’m not terribly political. I care what happens in the world, but I figure the world and civilization have made it this far without me on a stump. I still try to pay attention a little bit, and spend more time thinking about world affairs than I did ten years ago. (Twenty years ago I didn’t think about world affairs at all.) It doesn’t help that for the last eight years I’ve been fed a bill of goods that smell like a slaughterhouse dumpster. Until recently I’ve had suspicions about Mr Obama; without doing much research I got a snake oil salesman vibe. After reading a few articles, I feel more comfortable with him. One friend hopes he wins, because she won’t vote Republican no matter what. “I’d hate to have to hold my nose and vote for Hillary.” While I giggle imagining her do this, I know what she means. The candidates she and others in her circle supported early on have all fallen to the wayside. While I haven’t heard more than a few seconds of Barack’s historic speech, the gist of what I’ve heard tells me he’s not just saying stuff people want to hear.

Then there’s all that fun back east. For god’s sake, if you’re going after the sex industry, don’t be its best customer! In this day and age, people don’t care if you’re getting a little on the side, but they do care if you lie to them. When you loudly proclaim that the very things you are doing after-hours is evil, common sense types are going to call you on it. Jimmy Swaggart? Ted Haggard? HELLO? Didn’t you learn anything from those circuses? While I cringe that he had to do so, I applaud the new governor of New York for clearing the slate right off the bat. “Yeah, we’ve fucked around, so what?”

Exactly. It’s their bedroom, let them enjoy it. But if you criticize their fun, you’d best not try to outdo them. Someone is going to call shenanigans!

Then there’s the *poor girl* Mr Spitzer had his fling with. The monetary benefits will outweigh any shame, unless she behaves like Heather Mills. She’s fielding seven-digit offers from all sides, and will be able to retire from a few romps with a politician. We all whore ourselves in some way, she just hit the lottery.

I love this part of the story. The guy from Girls Gone Wild had offered her big bucks to be a spokesmodel for his franchise. (Joe Francis is out of jail again; lock up your teenage daughters!) Then, alert staffers went back a few years and discovered that she’d already been featured on several GGW ‘episodes’. Offer rescinded! Sorry, honey. He’s already seen you naked. What a douchebag.

But it touches on the memory thing, which was my starting point in this rambling mess. After almost a year, and 250+ posts, I fear repeating myself. I tell the same stories at work all the time, and can usually tell by the eyeroll if I’m drifting into familiar territory with co-workers and friends. So I make use of the search function on this site, and double check to see if I’ve already told one of my infamous rambling tales. So far, I think I’m doing okay.

The coffee still hasn’t kicked in, but I’m pretty sure I haven’t covered any of the topics mentioned here today. And while I have discussed celebrity sightings in the past, and try not to be too starstruck, I did have a pleasant encounter at work the other day. It’s the first time I’ve interrupted my lunch break to go bag groceries for a customer. Shaquille O’Neal dropped by for ice tea and $45 worth of magazines. Hot bootylicious porn? Nope. Men’s health, gun and car mags. I expected him to be a bit of a dick, but he was most pleasant, signing an autograph for the new kid I was working with. He told the kid his autograph should be worth about $45. Kid shut him up by telling him it was worth more than that if applied to the right document! Kid’s a keeper.

And that, my friends, is the pinball machine of thought from my world today.