The Cold Shoulder
I can be a contradictory person. I like quiet time alone, yet work in a very public job. I love riding the bus and people-watching, yet hate conversing within earshot of strangers. I value my privacy intensely, yet spill my guts here on a regular basis.
I can be very forgiving with my friends. I overlook personality quirks, and try to forgive small transgressions. Hey, nobody is perfect, and I’ve done things I wish I hadn’t. Live and learn. But when someone continually uses me, and I see their true colors not starting to run, or more accurately wash off, I tend to shy away.
I’ve recently crossed paths with an old friend. At one time I considered him a very close friend. When I was a teenage delinquent he was in the same youth project as I, although he was nineteen and everyone else were in their mid-teens. (14-17.) He wasn’t much of a criminal, he was a truant like myself. He taught me the finer points of smoking dope, all about underground comics and was a constant companion at concerts and midnight movies. If not for him, I would not have the same appreciation for Frank Zappa’s music.
Sadly, as time went on, the true colors started coming out. It dawned on me that we were such close friends as teens because I had a vehicle and enough pocket money to accompany him on his whims. I was okay with that. But, as we got older and our circle of friends started to widen, he became, oh, how you say, uppity? I wasn’t cool enough to be seen with when his other, hipper friends were around. After being dissed publicly, like in a teenage clique full of mean girls, I decided to let go.
He came into my work a few years back, and I saw him shoplift. I ignored it, but decided to end the friendship. I knew he’d been a thief when we were younger, shoplifting candy, magazines. It wasn’t that he needed this stuff, it was almost kleptomania. Still, he knew what he was doing was wrong, and when he started doing it to me I had to draw the line.
But had he changed over time? I surprised him coming out of the back room at work, where he was about to stuff a stack of porno mags into his pack. He flinched, said something about having to run for the MAX and left.
As I stood talking with Whitney a few days ago, he approached me and interrupted our conversation.
“How ya doin’,” I said in my annoyed Tony Soprano impersonation.
“Whatcha doing?” he asked, not catching my tone.
“Just finishing some work errands, ” I lied, causing Whitney to raise an eyebrow and take note. I wasn’t working, and had made a point of being downtown to have some fun this night.
My old “friend” finally took the hint. “Well, I’ll let you get back to your conversation,” he huffed. He walked away, and I ignored him. I don’t fall for the guilt-trip anymore. When I finished chatting with Whitney, I split without looking for him.
If I’m not good enough to be introduced to your friends without mocking me to my face, then I don’t want to poison my circle of friends with you.
I hope he gets the hint, because I’ve been preparing a little speech for him. It will contain all of the above. You are not worth my job, and you are not worth the angst this is causing me. I don’t fire friends easily, but I haven’t considered you a friend for a long time. To you, I am a resource.
I’ve never been any good at playing hard-to-get. If I meet a girl and like her, I don’t mess around with the ‘wait three days before calling’ rule, etc… I don’t pretend not to like them, that seems counter-productive. I ask them to accept me as I am, and over time I’ve learned that it’s best to just be who I am, as opposed to trying to become what they want me to be, because that never works.
My “friend” won’t change, and he shouldn’t have to. I wish you luck. You’ll be needing it.
