What’s on *your* mouse pad?

May 22, 2007 at 1:27 am (The Easy Chair)

Mine has Pooh on it.

After nine years of faithful service, Mr Garrison and Mr Hand are too dirty (even by South Park standards) for me to continue using. My technical guru says it’s time for a new mousepad. (She also said something about washing my mouse’s balls, but I ain’t goin’ there, girlfriend!)

So, at lunch today I decided to walk around downtown and find a new mousepad. I set limits, of course. I’m not spending a fortune, I will not shill anything I would not consume, believe in or endorse heartily. It can’t be so dirty my niece and nephew shouldn’t see it. It’s my room, but lately they spend more time there than I do.

I could have wandered across the construction zone to where the novelty shops are, or were, but I wanted this excursion to be short and sweet. (And cheap. Did I mention cheap?) Borders Books is a couple blocks away, so I started there.

I’ve worked for two years at the current location, and walk by Borders every day, but had never gone inside. I’ve been a Powell’s devotee since the mid-70s, when the old man still ran the place. But Powell’s was thirty minutes away, so Borders it is. I could see the Computer/Technology department from the MAX platform.

I went in. I’d made it about five steps when I noticed a guy watching me. Chuckles has a delicate term for this look: eyefucking. It means you are being watched, and we want you to know you are being watched. I smiled at him, and got pro-active. “Excuse me? Do you sell mousepads?”

He seemed relieved. I wasn’t trying to return stolen merchandise or looking for a bathroom. “Right this way!” We were off through the store, and he had to wait for me to catch up at one point. “What we have is right over here.”

Though we were in the music section, there were mouse pads. A pink one. A pink one with My Little Pony on it. One that looked like a rainbow bar code. Eesh. I thanked him, but wanted something that fit my decor a bit more.

Like skulls and x-rated cartoon figures.

Someone recommended the Apple Store in The Upscale Mall. Ding! Of course! What was I thinking? It’s just a couple of blocks more.

I spent ten minutes browsing walls and looking lost, hoping a nerd would come help me. When it was my turn, finally, to ask a question, the guy just laughed. “You won’t find mouse pads here.” Disss-missed!

The guy at Sharper Image was nicer, and sent me to Office Depot, or Staples, or whatever that store is. Why is this turning into such a quest?  It seems like just yesterday that every time you turned around Joe Camel or some pharmaceutical company was giving away mousepads. Now they are obsolete.

My half-hour was up, as was my patience. Then, a brainstorm! I called my little nephew, the recipient of my old computer, and asked if he still had it? He did, and said the mousepad would be waiting when I got home.

My first mousepad advertised Apple/Mac, and had this cool test-pattern design. Classic looking. Even though I’m a PC pup these days, my first machine was a Mac, and I could shill Mac without a tinge of guilt. It would be like seeing an old friend.

Sitting on the desk, on the ready-to-die mousepad, was the one-button mouse from the Mac. Since the nephew is a night owl, I took the mouse back to him, and asked for the mousepad instead. “Sorry,” he squirmed. “I couldn’t find the red mousepad. Will this work?”

He offered me the head of Winnie the Pooh. And I took it. It even looks a little like me, when I shave.

I will treat it kindly. I will not mock it. (Thank you god it wasn’t Rainbow Brite!) And tomorrow, I will make a labor-intensive search for a mouse pad more suited to my tastes.

Got Bullwinkle?

I just had a brainstorm. The perfect mousepad? Pinky and the Brain!

I’m off to eBay, and then do what I do every night, Pinky.

Try to take over the world!

Or at least rid it of Pooh.


  1. Himself said,

    My favorite is a Prozac mouse pad. Seriously. “Make your first choice PROZAC” against a big poofy cloud with deep blue sky and stars above. “Fluoxetine hydrochloride For both restful nights and productive days.” And on the back “Important Information on Safety of Prozac”. I can only guess this must have been given to a doctor, along with pens, notepads and waiting room clocks. Second fave is the Zamboni Original Six mouse pad, a gift from my kids.

    Love your blog!

  2. Heidi said,

    I was actually looking for a My Little Pony mouspad online and came across your blog. It made me laugh! 🙂

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