I Jinxed It…

May 31, 2007 at 1:33 am (Sweet sticky things)

There I was, all ready to have a craptacular night, and my friends come along and spoil everything.

The day started well enough, for me anyway. (See previous post if you wonder what I’m talking about.) Despite all the mayhem in the neighborhood, my house was quiet. I fully expected work to suck, so I waited until the last possible minute to leave.

I walked into work, and met the steely gaze of Grinder McV. He was lecturing the trainee and The Kid about something. Grinder said hi, and I heard a feminine shriek from the smut section. The Porno Queen was there, putting up magazines.

“Happy birthday!” She gave me a huge, almost-too-friendly hug, and a discreet kiss. I hugged back, of course. After thanking her, I turned to find my other three co-workers, staring slackjawed. I probably blushed a bit, and went to start my day. The Kid stuck out his hand, offered an H.B.D., to which I told him, “As long as it’s not as friendly as the Porno Queens…”

About ten minutes later, two rather effeminate gentlemen walked in and asked for me by name. I hadn’t been there long enough to get in trouble or piss anyone off, so I said, “That’s me.” They burst into a production of Happy Birthday; it was loud, flamboyant and heartfelt. I found out later that the Porno Queen had paid them a dollar to do it.

The Porno Queen had also secreted a stack of naughty DVDs, and slipped them to me on the sly. The Kid saw, so I had to give him one.

Dr T, one of the bosses, came by to say hi. Said he’d buy me a cup of coffee if I came to work tomorrow. (He’s a funny guy too. Coffee’s free to the help…)

After that, things slowed down for a while. My sparkling good mood seemed to be rubbing off on people, and just when my mood was starting to sour, ThatGirl showed up. She brought a bag of goodies, a hug and a bunch of smiles, and brightened my day back up. It held for the rest of the night.

But wait- there’s more! Around 10 PM, Mizelle and The Frenchman popped in, bringing salutations and a house plant.

“What’s the plant?” I asked.

“Sweet basil,” answered Mizelle.

“Cool!” I responded. “I’ve always wanted to see a wrath bone.”

She looked perplexed. “If you can find it, peek away.” She held the plant out.

The Frenchman laughed at her. “Is a joke. Basil Rathbone? This is nice. I get to explain a joke to you!”

Declaring me an honorary Frenchman and disowning us both, Mizelle went over to the porno section. As I told her about my day, I got to the part about The Kid and the birthday handshake, a funny look, then a blush from her. “What’s today?” She started digging around in her purse, fished out some lip gloss, (Mary Kate and Ashley brand) and said, “Here! I, um, brought you some lip gloss. It’s from the Olsen Twins. I’m sorry. I forgot-”

“I thought that’s why you came by.” Immediately forgiven. Hell, one year she forgot her own birthday… “You can make it up by bringing me the actual Olsen twins, though.”

I had many pleasant interactions throughout the night. Elmo was my graveyard relief; come to find out his birthday was three days ago. No wonder we’re so much alike. Gemini…

As I went to the office to count out, someone yelled my name. It was The Donut Guy, from the last place Chuckles and I worked. He said he had to run because of double parking, but that he liked the blog, and offered up a box.

Poof! He was gone, leaving a suitcase full of apple fritters and cinnamon rolls. Yum! His day-olds are better than supermarket fresh.

When it came time to leave, I had to use a garbage bag to haul my goodies. I just did the math on the box of donuts. 136 grams of fat. There’s the candy from ThatGirl, and I have a bag of Hershey’s Kisses in the refrigerator.

Then there’s the Turtle Brownie cake. I gonna have to walk about 200 miles to exercise off this birthday…

Thank you, friends and well-wishers. I feel all warm and fuzzy.

In a few minutes, you can add sticky to that list…

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