From the land of sky blue waters…

June 27, 2007 at 12:07 pm (Cussed Dumbers, Drunk and disorderly)

Last evening at work, a fellow comes in. I recognize him from several years ago, from a previous work place. He’s a chronic alcoholic, and I have seen him sloppy to the point of immobility.He has cleaned up nicely, and looks like he’s been working on this 90 degree day.

Of course, my illusions are shattered. He goes to the beer cooler and grabs a six-pack of Hamm’s. Knowing his previous history, I probably shouldn’t have sold it to him, but he was walking okay.

As he gets to the counter, he sees the Clean and Safe officer standing there. I ask how he’s doing. “Fine.” No slurring. Good, good.

I ring him up, put it into a bag, and the officer asks “How’s it going?” Friendly.

“I’d be better if you assholes weren’t always moving me along.” He harrumphed his way out the door.

I looked at the officer. “Well, isn’t that special?” in my best Church Lady voice.

“Fuck him.” The officer got on his bike and rode off.

Half an hour later, Mister Hamms comes back. Grabs another six-pack. He’s not staggering. “Did you drink all that already?” I wouldn’t have been surprised.

“NO! Motherfuckin’ rent-a-pig poured my beer out! Asshole!”

I calmly removed the six-pack. “Bummer.”

“Hey! What are you doing? He said it was okay to drink it, as long as I don’t get caught.”

“Of course it is,” I said. “But you got caught. If I get caught selling you more, I get a ticket. So you are heretofore cut off.”

“Expletive expletive more expletives…” he walks out.

Three minutes later, a construction worker comes in and grabs a six-pack. Of Hamm’s. I put it on top of the confiscated one. “Sorry. Can’t sell it to you.”

“Why? It’s for me.”

“Yeah, okay. I still can’t sell it to you.”


“Because you will go right outside, give it to that other guy, and I get a selling-to-intoxicated ticket. No.”

Construction worker says, “He’s a friend of ours. We’re going to my house.”

I give him a look. I call it the ‘That’s my white momma’ look. “Are you really going to take him to your house?”

He squirmed. “No. That sucks for him. That was most of his money. He got a drinking in public ticket, and he’s about to start DTing. Oh well. See ya!” He was gone.

The Devil and Angel popped up. We don’t sell that much Hamm’s. I could have let him continue spending until he was broke, or until we were out of Hamm’s. It would have kept Clean and Safe busy, and we all could have laughed about it later.

Alas, the Angel won.

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