“Hey! I know you…”

June 28, 2007 at 12:55 am (Cussed Dumbers)

At work, I deal with all walks of life. From scum of the earth to the pillars of society. I deal with so many people on a daily basis that everyone starts looking familiar. I see old friends. People remember me from a different store. Once in a while, I even see a celebrity.

I have met a few. Janet Reno, back in the ’90s. I sold cold medicine to Billy Bob Thornton once. Just a few weeks ago, I confiscated the briefcase of Flounder from Animal House. (Verified. I saw his credit card.) I didn’t recognize him; he’s gotten quite fit.

Local celebs as well. I’ve met several wrestlers from the old Portland Wrestling days. Billy Jack, Billy Two Eagles. I have an autograph from the late Sandy Barr. (It’s on his receipt for two cartons of Pall Mall straights.) I met Tonya Harding, as well as her former husband, The Genius.

I wish I could name drop here tonight. I sold a pack of cigarettes to a statuesque blonde woman, and it wasn’t until she left that I realized who she was. (I think.) She’s an actress of Jurassic proportions.

The problem? Well, she was wearing those big sunglasses that are all the rage. She wore a shape-flattering little black dress, and it was not completely buttoned, ahem. She was about six feet tall in heels, so my gaze didn’t go all the way to the top. It wasn’t until she said goodnight that I realized whose voice I was hearing. (I think.)

So, Miss Hollywood Actress, if that was you, thanks for being so cool. And I promise, if you come in again, I will do my best to make more eye contact…

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