The Brain Trust

September 13, 2007 at 1:14 am (Cussed Dumbers)

I was summoned to the boss’s office today. Was I in trouble? Not at all. I attended my first manager’s meeting.

I am not the management type. In previous jobs, I was the guy who drove managers crazy. Some of them said I was irreverent, ill-behaved, occasionally obnoxious. (Moi?) But I always made sure there were at least two or three other employees who were more of a handful than I, closer to the first-to-go spot. A goofball buffer, if you will. With this job, I have little to worry about.

Today’s business was just that. (If I told you the particulars, then I’d have to kill you, and I ain’t cleaning that up!) I also got to hear about a boss’ recent trip to Europe. I heard many good stories, but the one burning question I had was left unanswered.

The question?

“Do they really call a quarter-pounder a Royale with cheese?”

The answer I was given?

“I don’t know. I had a Euro-Meal…”

It was a great way to start the day. I got paid to schmooze with the higher-ups, and to shut up and learn for a couple of hours. After, I went back to my store, and worked with a cashier returning from a stint as a night-clerk at the Motel 666. We caught up on the dirt, shared war stories. ‘Twas good to see him.

Let’s see, what else happened… Oh yeah, I saw a hairless cat. One of the bartenders from the neighborhood was walking his cat, and oh the oohs and ahs. Clean and Safe officers were in the store, two older guys and a 21 year old new gal. She’s young, sweet and has a great sense of humor.

They noticed me dancing around like I had to go to the bathroom. PJ asked, “Do you need a break?”

I looked squarely at the new officer. “Nooo… I have a wisecrack, and I can barely contain it! But contain it I must, because there are ladies present.”

Her smirk is the cutest. “What? Shaved pussy? It’s okay. You can talk about shaved pussy in front of me. I’m impressed though. You could teach these guys a lesson!”

I looked at PJ. “Well, got her fooled!”

She asked me, “So is that the first shaved pussy you’ve seen here?”

“The first one with four legs!”

And so it went. The shaved-pussy jokes continued for about an hour, the best response came from TriMet security. One of the bicycle-riding platform guards stopped by, and I had him make his trademark sound. The kickstand on his bike makes a ‘SPROINGGG!’ which is the perfect sound effect for a guy sporting wood. “Guess what? I just saw a shaved pussy!”

“No way! Really? What’d she do, just walk in and-” He motioned like he was lifting a dress.

“No. Actually, it was attached to a man’s chest. Weirdest goddamn thing…”

He figured it out eventually.

With unbridled hilarity like that it was hard to tear away from work, but I managed. The bus ride home was uneventful, and now I await the TV dinner and rerun of the Ten O’clock News that will put the bullet in the brain of this day.

If tomorrow is half as fun as today, it’ll still be pretty cool…

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