Clairissa Has Two Eyes

January 5, 2008 at 12:01 am (Sweet sticky things)

You know that horrible feeling one gets when they suddenly realize they’ve been doing something wrong for a long time? Today I had one of those moments.

My friend Clairissa has two eyes, lovely ones. I think I know what color, but I’m not going to say which color until I know for sure.

Am I stating the obvious? Are you expecting the hottie from Futurama? No. I’m referring to her name. Her name has two *i*s, as in Clairissa, not Clarissa, as I’ve been spelling it for so long.

This realization (and the ensuing mortification) occurred this afternoon at her shop. I was watching her do her thing, turning a nine-year-old’s waist-length hair into something manageable. My niece has never had a store-bought haircut and had developed a severe case of rat’s nest, sort of like Rob Zombie with bed-head. The daily half-hour comb-out was getting tiresome, so she agreed to let Clairissa ‘fix things’.

While she was cutting, I noticed her price list, with the proper spelling of her name. “Is this correct?” I asked.

“Yeah,” she smiled. “It’s CLAIR-issa, not CLUH-rissa. I probably should just change my name. When I google myself-” she winked, “-I have to use both spellings. Your blog always pops up on both, though.”

I fished out one of her business cards, and sure enough. I couldn’t use that as an excuse. “I’m so sorry, sweetie. This will be corrected!” I started by pulling out my cell phone, immediately changing the spelling for her listing.

She made my niece a happy camper. The new ‘do is past-shoulder length, nicely framing her face. Clairissa gave her a gentle scolding about not brushing her hair daily. “One hundred strokes! It brings the fresh hair-oils down to the older hair, like your own natural conditioner.” She gave my sister a packet of some mystery formula, with instructions to mix the packet into a spray bottle. Rats begone!

And now? I’m in a self-imposed dog house. I’m sensitive to proper name spelling. My last name is somewhat common, but not spelled typically. (Like Smythe instead of Smith, for example.) When asked, I spell it out, and don’t take offense if people get it wrong. However, when people shorten my given first name to *Chuck*, I get pissy. Unless you’ve known me since puberty, you don’t get a pass.

One thing is certain; I won’t be misspelling her name anytime soon. I spent two hours poring over my blog today, correcting the spelling. I must be fond of this girl, I didn’t realize how much I talk about her.

I got after Clairissa for not straightening me out sooner. I wonder if my misspelling of her name is the underlying reason for the occasional titty-twister? Are those nipple-tweaks a not-so-subtle repercussion for my clerical errors?

There are ways I can make it up to her. She loves to play with my hair, so maybe next haircut I’ll let her leave the mohawk she always gives me. That oddball hair color she wants to try out? Mabye I’ll guinea pig.

So, in a month or two, if you see a puffy, strawberry-flavored Mr. T walking down the street, you’ll know it’s just me, paying penance for my poor spelling…

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1 Comment

  1. gee-no said,

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    …………##…………………………………………..EXHAL.L.L.L.L.E…..cough,.cough,…..*
    ……..#####…………..,….,………………………………………………………………………………….
    …#########………||…||………………………………………………………………………………….
    ….|.__…….__.|………|__|………………………………………………………………………………….
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    ….|……..”………|……###………………………………….^…..^…………………………………………
    ###############…………………………………..(.*.v.*.)……………………………………….
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