Snow Ballin’

January 12, 2008 at 5:45 pm (The Easy Chair)

Don’t you just hate it when loyalties conflict?

I consider Seattle to be the default home team in sports other than basketball. (With a WHL exception: go Winterhawks!) I have had lots of fun in Seattle over the years, and since Portland isn’t *big* enough to have a MLB or NFL team, I will ship my fandom to the north in most circumstances.

I’ve also been a big fan of the Green Bay Packers over the years. I’ve always liked Brett Favre. He was boinking Cameron Diaz in There’s Something About Mary, and he once almost helped me win a trip to Hawaii. (He was the answer to a trivia question on KUFO, and intern Cort Webber inadvertently told me the answer before the contest. I won the computer game, but missed out on the trip to the Pro Bowl.) I enjoyed Brett’s Playboy interview, especially the part about him pouring buckets of ice over the heads of his offensive line as they were taking a dump. (That’s a death wish there…) The man is almost as old as I am, and pulling miracles out of his ass on a weekly basis. I hope he plays as long as George Blanda did.

You’d think I’d be happy. It’s a game where my team will win, no matter what. But that also means my team will lose, no matter what. If the game had been closer, I could talk about good sportsmanship, competitive spirit, whatever. But when Matt Hasselbeck threw that pass backward, in effect fumbling out of bounds, I decided it was time to put in a Clutch CD and celebrate/commiserate with you, dear readers.

Snow games can be fun. This one was pretty good. The field was clear in the first quarter, but by halftime the grounds crew were using little tractors to keep track of the yard markers and end zones. There was the blessed silence when Tony Siragusa’s mike went dead in the segment with the snow plow. Any other highlights? Hmm…

Next up? New England and Jacksonville. Another potential snow game. The halftime update said the temperature was dropping fast, and it’s now after 8 PM back east. Interestingly, Jacksonville is a team more suited to shitty weather. I’d say they are a better shitty weather team, but it’s hard to argue with an undefeated record.

New England also has a history of family support. My little sister rooted for them back in the day, when they were horrible. Now she basks in the ‘I liked them way back when!’ glow of a fan fulfilled. Since no one in our house gives a crap about Jacksonville, loyalties will be firm and intense.

I probably just cursed New England with the kiss of death. It happens when I start pledging loyalties.

My list of Super Bowl favorites is getting shorter. I’m thinking Green Bay and New England, with me rooting for Green Bay. (Sibling rivalry is a wonderful thing. Sis and I take out a lot of aggression on each other through the game of the week.)

I’ve had to eat crow and root for Dallas after a trip there a few years back. The fans there treat the Cowboys like we used to treat the Jailblazers. I still find Troy Aikman irritating, and have a hard time finding nice things to say about Deion Sanders, but I don’t hate the Cowboys like I used to. I’m pulling for them in the ‘best worst case’ scenario.

Anybody but the motherfucking Indianapolis Colts. I will not waste your time or mine hating on them. ‘Nuff said.

It’s sad to see football come to an end, but that means baseball will be back soon! (I’m wearing my favorite Portland Beavers cap as I write this.) Until baseball starts, I will have Canadian football, which is pretty damn cool most of the time.

And of course, there’s OUR Portland Trailblazers, who are fun to watch once again. I’ve never felt like a fair weather fan, but sometimes they are more entertaining than others. This is definitely one of those times.

The weather looks clear in Foxboro, Mass. A crescent moon is looking over the stadium. Will New England go all the way? I was in front of the TV, watching as the Miami Dolphins went undefeated so long ago. Wasn’t that the year Garo Yepremian, Cypriot place-kicker, threw the most hilarious interception ever?

There’s the kickoff, and Jacksonville won’t return it. First and ten, from the 20 yard line. Time for me to shut up and pay attention, with one final thought-

“GO Chargers!”

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