Overstimulated on a Sunday Morning

January 13, 2008 at 1:35 pm (The Easy Chair)

Is it good for an old man’s heart to get this worked up so early in the day?

Sure, I got up way too early. I popped a handful of pills (ibuprofen) and am sipping a cold drink. (Coke Zero. How benign is that?) Though drinking and pills sounds good on paper,  all the overstimulation is coming from the TV.

I started by watching the Portland Trailblazers, who are in Toronto for a 9:30 AM game. At 10:00, Indianapolis and San Diego began dooking it out.

Both games are close, so I’ve been spending every commercial break zipping back and forth. San Diego is holding their own (no pun intended) against the Colts, although Indy just scored a TD. (@#%&!) But that game will go on longer than the basketball game, so I will focus on the Blazers.

Au contraire! What looked like a lost cause is now a nailbiter, as Travis Outlaw pulled off a 4-point play to send the game into overtime. (Wasn’t he, like, twelve when we drafted him?) I questioned that move back then, but must admit I love watching him now. Especially those interviews with the courtside reporter, the one with the caterpillar eyes who nestles under his armpit and rubs her boobs against him while he tries to concentrate. Have I mentioned I love the new Sportschannel?

Back to football. Aw… At the start of the 4th quarter, they introduced the winners of the national Punt, Pass and Kick competition. I participated in that as a youngster, and won trophies at ages 11,12, and 13. While I didn’t make it past the next round, it was fun to be a hometown hee-ro for a few minutes. A question, though. Is there a separate category for girls, or do tomorrow’s women really kick that much ass? There seemed to be a lot of girl winners. If it’s not a segregated competition, our boys need to put down the joysticks and get out in the back yard.

Overtime with the Blazers, and it’s not looking good. But wait! What’s this? Brandon Roy hits a three-pointer, and now we’re going to double overtime! But not before Toronto misses a shot with two seconds to go. Anybody got a nitroglycerin tablet?

Oh crap. I missed a San Diego touchdown. That’s okay, I’ll catch it on the highlights. They’re up 21-17, and the Blazers will be done before the end of the football game.

Alas, the Sunday morning miracles ran out, for the Blazers anyway. They put on a good show, but couldn’t pull it out. Still, what an exciting game, and what a bunch of fun kids to watch.

One game down, one to go. The Colts went back up on a tightrope touchdown. Damn you, Peyton Manning!

Since I have less channel surfing to do, I will take this moment to bitch about something that’s been bugging me lately. (Besides the Colts.) It’s nice that stadiums and arenas have the new high definition scoreboards. I’ve never attended a pro football game, but have seen the PSU Vikings live, and understand how the scoreboard, with its replays, stats and stuff adds to the experience for the fans in the stands. Same thing for the Blazers. We sat in the 300 level, and spent most of the game watching the scoreboard, when we weren’t stanching nosebleeds.

The presence of these scoreboards hasn’t gone unnoticed by the players. Every time they cut to a shot of a player on the bench, the first thing they do is look up to watch themselves on TV. It’s a natural reaction, I suppose. Hell, I watch myself on TV when I go to the bank. But… these guys are paid millions to perform, and with those millions they can buy a TV that puts those scoreboards to shame. Go home and watch yourselves on TiVo. I don’t want to see your nose hairs as you gaze heavenward. Worst offender? As a player ran in for a touchdown yesterday, he waltzed into the end zone, obviously watching himself on the Jumbotron. Jeez, dude, they’ll show it on the highlights reel…

And what a highlight reel it will be, for the San Diego Chargers! Consarnit and by cracky, they effing won! Woohoo!

Ahem.

So now it’s 1:30 in the afternoon, and I’ve been up way too long. (I imagine the Blazers feel the same way.) But what a fireball finish to two games. I could stick around and pick on the other Manning, but one figures the Cowboys will take care of that for me.

Is that sunshine outside? Faith and begorrah! Perhaps I’ll pry my butt out of this chair and go for a walk. If I walk fast enough I can be back for the second half.

Unless of course I get caught up in my own reflection on the security monitors at Fred Meyer’s…

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