The Remains of the Day

February 13, 2008 at 12:55 pm (Cussed Dumbers)

One of the benefits of working near public transportation?

Roadkill.

No, not the squirrel-opossum-family pet variety, but the miscellaneous crap people haul around and forget in their mad dash for the bus or train. We find a lot of stuff laying around, and some of it is actually pretty cool.

Currently, we have driver’s licenses from two men, one of which is the son of one of the original Doors. I met him a few years back. He’s an aspiring musician, and not trying to cash in on dad’s name. (He was a bit pissy at first when I quizzed him.) Dude, it’s there, and we’ll know it’s you. It has your picture on it.

A fellow left his laptop a while back. We didn’t have time to start forming evil thoughts before he ran back in a panic. He was grateful, and tipped us $10 for saving it for him.

Cell phone? What’s your number? Hear that ringing by the magazine rack? Start looking there…

I have a hardbound first edition copy of Hannibal by Thomas Harris. I’d be more thrilled if I hadn’t already dropped $20 on it as a gift for my sister, back when it came out.

I have a nice knife collection. Kershaw, Buck, a stainless steel boot knife. I have a fighting knife perfect for shanking people on the train. I use it to carve up my lunch apples.

I’m not the only one who takes advantage of the leftovers. Art East, co-worker and buddy, was working last night and gave me a call. “Dude! Check this out. You know that old, funky fedora that’s been laying behind the counter for about three months? I got tired of looking at it, so I got creative. I put it outside the front door, with a sign that said ‘Support the invisible homeless guy! Anything helps! God Bless!!’ I’d forgotten about it after a couple hours, then Master P came in and saw it. He brought it to the counter, plunked it down and said, ‘I don’t want this out front. If the guy comes back you can give it to him.’ Dude, it had about $3 in change, an unused bus ticket and a cigarette in it! Paid for my bus fare!”

Art may have found a new side job, as a pimp for imaginary panhandlers.

I got lucky as well. Valentine’s Day is tomorrow, and I needed a present for my niece. The Mothership has a pile of umbrellas under the soda fountain; leftovers from people running for the MAX. I rooted through the pile, found a My Little Pony umbrella, asked the obligatory “Anyone know whose this is?” waited three seconds, and claimed it. It went over well.

Tonight is reggae night at the club upstairs. Depending on the crowd, it’s always a good idea to get out from behind the counter and check the floor for “litter”. The drunker they are, the more cash I find laying around.

The finest kind of roadkill…

1 Comment

  1. nwlimited said,

    Reggae’s a great time. Happy roadkill hunting! Enjoyed the read.

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