Sweet Dreams, Baby

June 2, 2008 at 12:02 pm (The Easy Chair)

This is so farfetched, I know, after all the darkness, anger etc… of the last week, but I’m not making this up. I had a dream this morning, and it went something like this:

I was out and about, somewhere, when a car pulled up, and inside was Rob Zombie and a driver. “Want a ride?”

Since he looked like the person Rob Zombie, and not one of his characters, I said sure. “Where we going?”

“You write about us, and we’re having a party. Thought you might like to come,” he said.

I should have been scared to death, but instead I took a chance. We pulled up on a farm house. Yikes! It looked like a normal farm house, except for the large swimming pool in the back. There were tractors in the field, and a wood pile. It was much like where I grew up.

We went inside, and the living room area was a happening place. Kids and babies were sprawled out on the floor, laughing and playing. There was a rack of costumes from the Zombie films, as well as other horror memorabilia. And old black-wigged man walked up and said, “Bet you don’t know me?”

“You’re Grandpa, from House.”

“Damn! I need a better costume!”

“It was your voice, Grandpa,” I reassured him.

I saw Bill Mosely. “Hi Otis. You look so different without the long hair.”

And then Captain Spaulding walked in from another room. “Sid Haig!”

“I figured since you’re so in love with my ass we should take a picture together.” He was wearing black bib overalls under a knee-length tuxedo jacket, and holding a pitchfork. “I was thinking we could go out by the barn and recreate American Gothic.”

“You’ll need a dress.” Sheri Moon-Zombie was standing right behind me. She handed me Captain Spaulding’s ‘Hot Dog’ tee shirt, which stretched to my knees. I dropped my pants, then realized I was in a room full of strangers. Good thing I put the shirt on first! Then Sheri ran her hand up my back and said, “Nice penis, Dingleberry,” giggling like Baby Firefly. She tickled the spot where my skin tag used to be.

“Whoa whoa whoa. You read my blog?”

She smiled, and said “We all do.” I lost track of thought, because she was naked. I looked over her shoulder, and others were changing clothes. I looked for my pants, but they were gone. Oh well, when in Rome…

“Come with me.” I followed her to a door, and we went into the basement. We descended, and she found a package stored away. “We want you to have this.” I could see a pointy hat sticking out of the top. It looked like a giant kitchen witch. I started to unwrap, but she stopped me. “Save it for when you get home.”

She was dressed again, and pulled out her cell phone. “You know, if you ever just want to call and talk, you can. What’s your number? I’ll call you, then you can trap my number and call if you need.”

I had nowhere to carry a cell phone, but I knew where it was. We went back upstairs. Everything had been rearranged, and the party had moved outside. Sheri resumed her hostessing, and I spent maddening amounts of time looking for stuff that should be there, but wasn’t. (It’s common in my dreams.) As I milled around, I noticed the ‘star’ cast members were amongst roadies, stage hands and techie types. Rob announced, “Welcome to the wrap party, and thank you for coming. Enjoy!”

I sat by a crossroad, in a landscape familiar to my dreams. I thanked them for inviting me.

I looked over toward the barn, saw Captain Spaulding waving his pitchfork and yelling at me to “Get your ass over here!”

I laughed so hard it woke me.

I got good sleep last night for the first time in a while. I think I’m gonna be okay.

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