What’s in *Your* Wallet?

September 3, 2008 at 12:25 pm (Cussed Dumbers, The Easy Chair)

So, what is in your wallet? Besides the usuals; cash, cards, etc… Got something obscure? My obscure wallet item of the day?

My tooth.

Actually, it’s one of many that I own. This one just happens to be unattached. The incident occurred at work during a busy time, and I didn’t want to lose it, so I stuck it in my wallet.

I’ve been working at the Mothership, the busiest of the three stores. My lunch-hour falls shortly after I get to work, during or at the end of rush hour. Instead of getting to work, settling in and immediately leaving again, I will munch at the counter and continue working. As I was nibbling on apple slices and smoked almonds, I heard a loud crunch and felt something weird near the upper hinge of my jaw. Must have been a nutshell, or some other foreign object. It didn’t hurt. I pulled out my plastic hooked toothpick (with pre-strung half-inch of floss) and investigated the carnage.

I scraped at the area, hooked something, and felt ‘give’. I fished out a piece of nut, flicked it into the garbage, and rolled my tongue over the tooth. Still not right. I worked the hook under the gum line, scraped and pried gently, and heard a snap. I felt something under my tongue, probably another piece of almond. I pulled it out and looked.

It was half a molar.

More like a quarter, actually. I must have had a cavity for some time. The inner area was hollow, though the outside was pearly. I rinsed with cold water, stared at my tooth, looked over at my co-worker, a middle-aged lady with an “A little help here?” look on her face. I looked around. We don’t sell dope baggies, and a plastic grocery bag would be cumbersome. I dropped the tooth into my change purse, holstered my toothpick and went back to the till.

I still have no pain or other side effects, except for one. The tip of my tongue is raw because I can’t quit fucking playing with it! Every few minutes I’d catch myself hunting around in the crater, making facial contortions that were unnerving the customers.

After a while, on a bathroom break, I took a look in the mirror. Couldn’t see anything different- oh wait! It looked like a four-pack of dinner rolls with one missing. It was on the backside, so no cosmetic difference. Just another crater I’ll have to brush carefully. Tack another minute onto the morning routine…

The tip of my tongue looked like it’d been stung by a bee.

Things are better this morning. The tongue is almost healed, providing I steer clear of the sharp edges of the ‘vacancy’. Still no issues with the missing tooth. However, my knee started hurting on the walk to the bus, and it took 25 minutes to walk ten blocks. I wondered as I walked, er, gimped along: Is this where it all ends? Am I officially old and decrepit?

To quote Noah Cross from the movie Chinatown, “I still have a few teeth in my head, and a few friends in town.”

And a tooth in my wallet.

1 Comment

  1. gee-no said,

    If you lost only a 1/4 of your tooth you can still leave it under your pillow and the tooth fairy will leave you a 1/4.

    /tongue in cheek sarcasm.

    p.s. I feel your pain, the root of one of my molars is working it’s way out of the side of my gums…..any day now….ugh..

    hip hip puree!!!

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