Keep On Keepin’ On…

December 31, 2008 at 1:37 pm (Clairissa, Sweet sticky things, The Easy Chair)

As the year comes to an end, I’m grateful for many things. This morning? I’m grateful that the ground water has warmed up to the 40-50 degree range. The barely 30+ temperatures made for some goddamn cold showers! Fortunately, my hot water situation will be corrected shortly. Please, god? My nephew is starting to smell like a Hawthorne hippy.

I have more than water on the brain this morning.

I haven’t been writing here as much. Not intentional, that’s just how it works out. I’ve done this for fun, a release of emotions, to record some of the wackiness that is my life. But… I have to go out and live life to have things to write about, and that’s what I’ve been doing. Life is keeping me busy.

I managed to make and keep a New Year’s resolution. Last year’s? To eat breakfast, and make an effort to follow the carb-counting diabetes diet assigned to me. I’ve done pretty well, and am starting to show results. I have these things I call Jenny Craig moments, where all of a sudden I can wear an old piece of clothing that hasn’t fit in decades, or fit into ‘skinny clothes’, things I bought but figured I could never wear. A few years back, I almost cried when Mizelle and I could fit into the same MAX two-seater, the one with the steel bar you have to scooch around and squeeze into. Fully expecting embarrassment, when we fit oh-so-cozy in there, it was all I could do to hold back the emotion. Since then, it’s only gotten better.

I love it when I walk up to someone I haven’t seen in a long time. They look at me, look again, then bust out in a bit grin. “Oh! It’s you!” They don’t say why, but I know. My ‘look’ hasn’t changed that much, there’s just less of me to look at. When someone calls me fat? It slides right off. Why? Why shouldn’t I be offended and beat the shit out of them? Because I know how fat I used to be, and I know what I’m doing will only continue to make my life better. Sure I’m fat. But you’re ugly, and I can lose weight.

Twelve years ago, I was an old man in a thirty-something’s body. Today I feel like a teenager driving a classic car. Sure, things aren’t brand new, but with a little maintenance I can drive this vehicle for a long time to come. (It helps to get properly oiled once in a while, and keep the ball-joints greased.) At 35 I was ready to die, then something happened. I had to choose life or self-destruction. It’s been a long, sometimes rough road, but I’m hitting smooth pavement these days.

The last year has brought ups and downs. Sobriety took a hit around my birthday; I spent a week with my buddy Clairissa; drinking, carousing, almost breaking my leg, wrist and head, but also bonding in a way that will last forever. It saddens me to know that she’ll be going away soon. This will be a topic of many future missives. I will not say goodbye simply: It’s gonna be a long, messy tear-filled venture. Like chopping off a couple toes, then wondering how I’ll ever be able to find good shoes again. Losing her will be like losing a body part.

I’ve made new friends. People who like me for being me, and not what I can do for them. I rarely make friends through work, real friends, but I’ve been blessed this year. You know who you are.

The love scene? Besides having a hopeless crush on a wild, crazy-beautiful dyke, I’ve been coming to grips with the ups and downs. Old friends, new acquaintances. While I leave this year technically unattached, I don’t feel lonely, thanks to some special people. Again, you know who you are.

Me? I’m still trying to figure out who I am. My heart is getting younger, even if the rest of the vessel needs more attention. I’ve been surprising myself lately at just how much I can do that I couldn’t do twelve years ago. In another twelve years I’ll be approaching sixty! I just realized that. All those old-man jokes will be more than self-deprecating wisecracks before I know it…

This year’s resolution? To keep on keepin’ on. It seems to be serving me well.

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3 Comments

  1. lunchboxjesus said,

    =)…Testicular Cryogenics..it’s not just for breakfast anymore….

  2. beastard said,

    The water absolutely puts the ‘cry’ in cryogenics!

  3. LittleOrphanAnus said,

    Brrrrrrrrr……shrivel me timber…..=O

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