Greetings from Camp Crystal Lake

March 14, 2009 at 12:40 pm (The Easy Chair)

I was unintentionally geeky yesterday. While everyone else was drooling over Battlestar Galactica, I went retro with my entertainment. Did anyone look at the calendar yesterday? It was Friday the 13th. Because all the stuff I want to watch has varying degrees of ‘wait’ on it, Netflix sent me the next available thing: His Name was Jason: 30 Years of Friday the 13th.

Now, because I watched it at 4 AM, does this mean I dishonored Jason? (Christ, I hope not. Have you seen his regenerative powers?) Turns out that most of the sequels happened on Saturday or Sunday. That whole suspension of believability thing was noticed by more than me; the documentarians devote a whole segment to continuity.

Hosting duties were handled with bloody aplomb by Tom Savini. For horror fans, there is no need to further identify him. If you need someone dispatched with much imagination and fanfare, call Tom. He’s offed more zombies than any of us will ever see.

Confession: I avoided the Friday the 13th series when it came out. Scandalous, I know, and so out of character. I had (and still have) the need to believe in my evil monsters. They need to invade my world with enough plausibility to invoke fear, not ridiculous laughter. After seeing the original Halloween, I was impressed with the spook factor, but Mike Myers kept getting up and running away. WTF? I gathered that Jason was the same way, so when the trailers came on, I’d just shake my head and vow “Never…”

Then one night, sitting around tripping on acid with the wife and sis, the original Friday the 13th came on. We watched it on a 12″ black and white TV, and throughout the course of the movie everyone in the room checked to see that the front door was locked. (We also thought that night’s episode of Carson was the funniest we’d ever seen. Robert Klein can’t stop his leg…. ) We jumped at the appropriate places, and after that I gave Jason some respect.

Of course, it got much easier to look up to Jason Voorhees. All believability went out the window with Freddy Krueger arriving on scene. I stepped away from the horror genre for a while. Everything was franchised and formulaic. We liked the sequel to Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but none after that. The original TCM is probably the pinnacle of low-budget horror films. The Leatherface clan could very well have lived just down the road. They keep to themselves.

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I have relatives from Estacada; I could see it happening.

While all the Battlestar Galactica fans play with their Lorne Greene action figures, they’d better watch out. While you’re busy Starbucking with Adama, (or whatever) there’s a masked man with a machete, or an arrow, or a speargun, sneaking up behind you.

Choo choo choo ah hah hah hah….

Jason has been to outer space, you know…

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