Not Their Biggest Fan

April 17, 2009 at 11:17 am (The Easy Chair)

It had to be done.

Time to man up and take that twice-yearly trip to Wal-Mart.

The tiny Turbo Fan that keeps my room livable has been gasping for air lately, and finally passed away. I’d been kick-starting it with the broken stem from a pair of Dollar Store sunglasses, but even that wouldn’t get the old thing groaning and wheezing. Since the weekend weather forecast calls for 80 degrees, I figured I’d beat the rush and TCB.

While I bag on Wal-Mart, I still use them in certain situations. They are the only place I can find blades for my old-school razor. Their ibuprofen is cheap. (500 for $7.22.) If I walk down the candy aisle, I’m screwed. (“How much? I’ll take three.” Then eat three.) I walk through the clothing department, but except for socks I tend to avoid their clothes. Their tee shirts are built to expose the belly button, which isn’t cool when you’re a guy buying a 3X. (Keep that shit in the Girl’s Dept.) I did find a pair of $4 gym shorts that I love, but I’ve lost weight to the point where I have difficulty keeping them on. I keep them in a special place, where pants falling off isn’t a problem.

As I wandered, I came across the Wal-Mart prayer meeting. A guy in a tie was telling the Blue Smocks, “Let’s get out there and help people find things! When they realize they can save hundreds of thousands of dollars a year, they-…” I had to tune him out. Anyone with the capability of “saving hundreds of thousands of dollars a year” would not be shopping at the SE Wal-Mart.

After covering those bases, I went to the fan department. I knew specifically what I wanted, a Honeywell Turbo Fan. They are about the size of a 78 RPM record, and last 2-3 years. The last one I bought was from Wal-Mart. I’d priced the Freddy’s version, $25. Went to Wal-Mart, and got the same thing for $8.44.

I went to the back of the store, but Honeywell had been replaced by another brand I’d not heard of. $12. It looked rickety, like it’d probably overheat and die on the first 80 degree day. Since that what I was trying to avoid, I decided I’d go balls-out and spend whatever it took at Freddy’s.

I still spent $20 on various personal stuff. Pills, Gold Bond, razor blades, a tube of personal lube. Maria the checker shot an upraised eyebrow my way, then got embarrassed. What?! Too bad Wal-Mart doesn’t sell cucumbers; I’d really have given her something to think about.

At Freddy’s, the fan was right where I expected it to be, and still cost $25. That’s okay. I’ll get 2-3 years out of it, and not have to worry about it bursting into flames when I’m not home.

The hardest part was installing it. The power strip was buried under a bunch of stuff. The upside? I found my Vegas Mix CD, as well as a missing Queens of the Stone Age disc I’d been pining to hear. I now have a brisk breeze running through my room. The fan is turned on high, and is barely audible.

Bring the heat!

1 Comment

  1. Gee, no. said,

    I’m a big fan! xD

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