Tooth… or Nail?

September 1, 2010 at 12:30 pm (The Easy Chair)

Yeah, yeah, I know. It’s been quiet around here. I’ve been dealing with some medical issues. Big, life-threatening stuff? Nope, not even a little. Annoying bullshit that makes me irritable to the point of apoplexy?

Yeah, that’s more like it.

My body is having a contest, to see which body part is the next to fall off, or out. Our contestants?

In this corner, we have Tooth. A bunch of teeth, to be accurate. To be more accurate, it’s the jawbone and sinuses making my teeth hurt. I developed a condition called sinus toothache, which feels like I’m biting down on the points of a rusty nail every time my teeth come together. While the urge to have teeth pulled out of my head is present, I know this will not fix the problem. Time or antibiotics are my only solutions.

And in this corner… Nail! A few months back when all my co-workers were losing toes or legs, I noticed a black spot on my toenail. Not wanting to lose a digit, I rushed to the doctor, who informed me that I had suffered “trauma” to the toenail, and while my toe was fine, the nail would eventually fall off. He suggested I try to keep the nail intact as long as possible, and I’ve been good. It’s still on there, but it’s looking like it’s ready to make a break for it.

After half a month of yogurt and bananas, I’m so ready for this toothache to be over. It’s been great for weight loss, but hell on my happy factor. Over the last couple of nights I’ve been expanding my diet. I actually had bread with crust last night! A Fuji apple? Heavenly tartness! A folded-over slice of Rovente pizza? O…M…G…!

If you see what looks like a giant pissed-off red grizzly bear walking down the streets, backhanding folks and grabbing their lunch, don’t worry. (Much.) It’ll be me, acting like I just came out of hibernation. Grr… grr…

Oh, and Korean tacos? Be afraid. Be very afraid…

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1 Comment

  1. inhuman genome said,

    Hey, when the teeth/sinuses are finished giving you a hard time, we must celebrate with some righteous vittles, my treat!
    Get your chompers ready and loosen the belt a notch ’cause we gon’ feast!

    *places heartburn tablets on stand-by*

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