Revisionist History

October 17, 2010 at 11:17 am (On the road again...)

Kids say the darnedest things.

While rendezvousing with Dr T for pizza the other day, I had occasion to ride the #15 Belmont bus. The #15 and I go waaay back. It winds from Northeast Portland all the way to uppity Northwest. Since I’ve moved to Lents, the area wedged between The Numbers and Felony Flats, I don’t ride the #15 on the eastside much. This particular trip was amusing and educational, if you’re not a stickler for actual facts.

A boy and girl in the 18-20 year-old range were sitting behind me. Their conversation was hard to follow. I think they may have just came from getting matched tongue-piercings. (Hold the tip of your tongue and speak: That’s what it sounded like.) While I knew not to expect much from the conversation spillover, I got sucked in,

I will try to re-enact the conversation as follows, but be warned. I don’t think I can get myself down to that level of “Duhhh” this early in the morning…

(Bus approaches 39th Avenue.)

Boy: “Look! Dude musta got capped right near here.”

Girl: “How you know?”

Boy: “They named a street after him.”

Girl: “Who got capped?”

Boy: “Cesar Chavez. They got his name on the corner.”

Girl: “Wonder what he did?”

Boy: “Prolly wrong place wrong time.”

Girl: “You mean like MLK?”

Boy: “Nah, *he* got capped because a whitey didn’t like what he heard MLK saying. Whitey followed him to his motel room and capped him from behind as he was goin’ in.”

Girl: “Yeah, wasn’t it Hitler that shot him?”

Boy: “No, Hitler didn’t do that one. Some other pissed-off dude at a motel in the south.”

Girl: “I thought he was shot on stage somewhere?”

Boy: “Nah, they just made it look that way. He pissed off some Southern cracker, and the cracker put one in the back of his head.”

Girl: “Oh. What Cesar whats-his-name do?”

: “I dunno. I think he made salad stuff. You know, like Orville Redenbacher…”

We passed the food cart pod and Movie Madness, and they changed subjects. I stared out the window, shuddering as I pondered the fate of humanity. If they are our future, we might as well hand over the keys to the Chinese right now.

On the other hand, it was one of the funniest conversations I’ve suffered through in a long time.

Stay in school, kids.

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