The Long And Short Of It

February 17, 2011 at 3:35 pm (Cussed Dumbers)

One of the things I miss most about the new work set-up is the lack of hilarious conversation between Dr T and I. His migration to the Waterfront Store has been a smudge on the luster of the workplace. We have a shorthand code, and our own monetary system based on South Park. (1 Loch Ness Monster = $2.fiddy. “Pubic Hair” is ten bucks.) We play word games to pass the time. Once we spent the day playing the Midget Game, where you insert the word midget into a song title, replacing the noun. The Beatles catalog was great for this. The Long and Winding Midget, Baby You Can Drive My Midget, While My Midget Gently Weeps, Happiness Is A Warm Midget. You get the idea.

The other day I received a text from Dr T. “2 encounters with midgets this week. Station Agent* called me a fat fuck after I almost bowled him over leaving Mothership. Then 1 on MAX had bicycle bigger than him, trying to hang it. I helped him, heard a Beatles song and lost it. He ALSO called me a fat fuck.”

*Looks just like the guy in the movie.

Terrors of Tiny Town

Now, Dr T is a giant in many ways, but not so much physically. (I’d guess 5’7″.) But compared to someone four feet tall, he looks like Andre the Giant. I will refrain from calling him King of the Midgets, mostly out of fear that he’d summon an army of ’em. (He does see more than his share.) However, I will tease him every now and then, like when I come across something like this.

Sorry Doc, they only had dill whole midgets. But I looked for ya, honest I did.

I must confess though, if I found a sweet midget I’d probably keep her for myself.

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