Vision Quest

April 11, 2011 at 12:10 pm (Cussed Dumbers)

Uncle Cliffy has been leaving me alone, but his passive/aggressive management style continues. While I try not to bag on him too much, I have to vent somewhere, and my co-workers are as tired of him as I am. So I will grumble here, hoping to release some steam before work. I suspect he’ll have some crankiness to share today…

Uncle Cliffy is a make-worker. He moves product from here to over there, sees it doesn’t work, and leaves it there because he can never be wrong. His committee-meeting management style might be great at WalMart, but at Master P’s we fly by the seat of our pants. We are usually alone at night, fending off street vultures and babysitting drunks. While it’d be easy to say “Fuck it” and give up, allowing people to buy (or steal) whatever, we toe the line, stand our ground and defend the honor of Little Debbie for little more than minimum wage. Because that’s how we roll.

Uncle Cliffy recently “adjusted” the main aisle running down the middle of the store. When the store was remodeled, Grinder spent a day or two developing sight-lines, so the cashier can glance up, appraise the situation, and get back to business. This wasn’t good enough for Uncle Cliffy, so he moved the aisle.

Now? We have a great view of canned corn and rolls of paper towels. Nobody will be stealing those. But what’s in the blind spot? $3 bags of nuts and gummy candy that slide discreetly into messenger bags and inside trenchcoats. There were three bags of trail mix left when I looked at the rack the other day. “See how well they’re selling?” Uncle Cliffy was proud. Unfortunately, it’s not because they sold. Groups of Garbage Pail Kids come in, gather around the rack where I have no view whatsoever, then march around to buy a fifty-cent Little Debbie before walking out with $10 worth of bagged candy. In order to watch them, I’d have to walk out from behind the counter and halfway across the store just to see their hands.

The toilet paper is safe, at least.

When I expressed concerns about Uncle Cliffy’s genius remodel, he said, “Oh, I’ll hang a mirror up there.” His first act after saying that? He moved the big ladder to another store. Three weeks later, we have three mirrors in the office, where they sit, in the way.

As I grumbled about this, Art East had an idea. He pulled out the step-ladder, fetched one of the big round mirrors, and within an hour had it hanging above the candy rack. Added bonus: One doesn’t have to glance over their shoulder while walking to the back of the store. (We call it the crackhead shuffle; three steps, look back, three steps, repeat.) I can eye-fuck them all the way to the bathroom now.

Uncle Cliffy is probably gonna be pissed that we took matters into our own hands, but he had a full day and an able-bodied assistant to accomplish this on Thursday. He was at the store a total of four hours of a nine-hour shift, and all he managed to do was talk the new guy into a coma.

Art East to the rescue!

Art was still adjusting things when I made the run for the bus last night, but I have no doubt watching the back of the store will be easier tonight. My biggest anticipation, however, is the reaction of Uncle Cliffy. His drawn plans, wasted man-hours and committee-meeting approach to a simple maintenance chore were undermined and the problem solved by Art East in an hour. (Forty minutes of that hour were spent looking for a Philips screwdriver.)

I know Uncle Cliffy will have to parry, to get even somehow.

Maybe he’ll move the candy aisle back where it belongs…

1 Comment

  1. ArtEast said,

    Mirror Mirror on the Wall
    Who’s embarrassed for us all?
    If he holler’s make him pay
    fifty dollars every day…

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