Southeastern Flavors

May 13, 2011 at 1:30 pm (The Easy Chair)

The first time I went to the Foster Road Freddie’s after moving into the neighborhood, I watched a homeless man steal a whole chicken and eat it without interruption on the sidewalk outside the store.

Welcome to the neighborhood.

Lents, Felony Flats, FoPo, 82nd Avenue. Not a lot of pretty people out here. Women with Sharpie eyebrows in pajama bottoms and Starter jackets stumble to the Plaid Pantry at 10 AM for Mountain Dew and Swisher Sweets. (Grape.) An Asian man whose head resembles a raspberry drinks a can of Steel Reserve at the bus stop. A twitchy Statue of Liberty with a scruffy beard does a meth dance on the corner. There’s the woman who has been pregnant since last year, panhandling in traffic with a cardboard sign that says ‘God Bless, anything helps.’ She’s STILL six months preggo.

Meals on Wheels

Of course, every neighborhood has its favorite drink. Breakfast of champions!

Now, as much as I mock it, I have grown to love my white-trash mecca of a ‘hood. While I don’t walk in fear at night anymore, I’ve learned to avoid large crowds of drunken men, and to grip a large buck knife if there’s not a sturdy fence between me and that pitbull. Common sense and street smarts.

I also enjoy other people’s perceptions of Southeast. Over in my list of links is Cascadia.FM, parent of Suckit.FM, a podcast I listen to instead of watching Charlie Sheen’s pussy brother, Oily Sheen. (Hi, Nate Berkus. Buy a razor and take a shower.) The hosts recently spent an evening at one of the neighborhood bars, and their description of the experience captures the essence of Foster Road on any given night. It’s worth a listen if you have an hour to kill.

So, welcome to the neighborhood. Hide your chickens…

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1 Comment

  1. LogicWest said,

    Every single thing in that photo has a powerful underlying message that screams out loud-
    as to what the first world has become.

    *An alcoholic beverage that caters to the working poor and is successful enough to warrant it’s own truck.
    *A Uniform company that caters to the Corporations that employ the working poor.
    *A fast food Corporation that feeds the working poor.
    *Non-indigenous tree species lining the background.
    *Genetically altered ‘Lawns’ that waste trillions of gallons of water to exist.
    *Petroleum based Tar blanketing the ground.
    *Power Line poles that in many places use Coal to generate Electricity.
    *Mass Marketed Asian vehicles.
    *The shadows created by all these things by potentially harmful UV rays that are penetrating
    the (depleting?) Ozone layer.
    *Brown spots of grass from the poo poo of genetically altered wolves that now serve as living
    teddy bears to help cater to the emotional needs of the poh widduw humon beunz that need a
    doll to cope.

    *All beneath the stars and stripes.

    =D
    -Written from my Windows 7 iPhone with Intel Inside- Bu Buh Bu Buh!-

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