Sugar Duds and a Bag of Rocks

November 1, 2011 at 11:11 am (Cussed Dumbers, The Easy Chair)

Halloween. Some fun, huh?

I’m beginning to think the Keep Portland Weird movement is too successful. For the last two years, I’ve barely noticed Halloween.

You know that ain’t right.

I had high hopes, working at my new location across from the sex club and the new underage strip club. (They get a liquor license if they can behave for 90 days.) Halloween falling on a Monday shouldn’t stifle the party spirit of our fair city. If not a ton of flesh, I expected to at least see some imaginative costumes.

Sadly, no one looked any different. I did see a Ninja and a Witch walking down 5th Avenue, holding hands. I saw a fourteen-year-old girl with a Chucky doll for a baby. I may have made her nervous with my knowledge of all things Chucky. Was it the mention of the fact that Chucky was ten years older than she was? Or that I called him my ‘love child’?

The last straw was when I told her I began growing my hair out so I could go as Chucky a couple years back. It was the best fright of the night. Sadly.

My thirteen-year-old niece bought a geisha costume. I don’t think she realized it was a ‘naughty’ costume. I didn’t see her go out in it, but am guessing her mother made her wear some tights underneath…

Work was okay. I was trick-or-treated twice, by thirty-somethings. When told no, they asked if we took food stamps? This economy is a bitch.

Another gal was charmed that I carded her, and gave me a fun-sized Three Musketeers. It was my only candy score of the night. I can say with pride that I consumed no candy on Halloween.

The days before, not so much. I’m behaving now.

Now I brace for the onslaught of Xmas jingles, endless Nutcracker soundbites, non-stop earworms, motherfuckers with bells at every storefront.

Let the humbuggery commence.

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1 Comment

  1. _*_ said,

    Here come’s Santa Claus, Here come’s Santa Claus, Here come’s Santa Claus, Here come’s Santa Claus, Here come’s Santa Claus, Here come’s Santa Claus, Here come’s Santa Claus, Here come’s Santa Claus, Here come’s Santa Claus, Here come’s Santa Claus, Here come’s Santa Claus, Here come’s Santa Claus, Here come’s Santa Claus, Here come’s Santa Claus, Here come’s Santa Claus, Here come’s Santa Claus, Here come’s Santa Claus, Here come’s Santa Claus, /earworm.

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