Loch Ness Monster Dreams

March 19, 2012 at 8:40 pm (Cussed Dumbers)

One evening several months ago, Dr T was heading to the bar after work. “Hey, wait a second.” I handed him a $5 bill. “Gamble for us, and if you win anything we’ll split it.” My uncle used to do this with his sailor buddies. It would keep Dr T busy and not outside smoking.

“Sounds like a chore I can handle.”

Several hours later I received a text. “Down to $2. Ideas?”

“Shoot the moon!”

The next day when I arrived at work, a pink piece of paper was in my cash drawer. Dr T said, “After I texted you, I put the $2 into the poker machine. I won FOUR LOCH NESS MONSTERS! So I bought a Raffle ticket from Melony.”

“Did she bless it?”

“And how!” Dr T grinned. Melony blesses the lottery tickets she sells by rubbing them every wonderful place before handing them over.

“All righty then. Wouldn’t that be something? Two-hundred-fifty-thousand Loch Ness Monsters… We would have to leave her a tip.”

“If we win, she’ll take more than the tip!”

Dr T and I have borrowed South Park’s monetary system for personal use. How much is a Loch Ness Monster? According to Chef’s dad, “Two dollah fiddy cent.” $7.59? Three nessies and a nipple. We talk money like this in front of Grinder and watch the vein on his forehead grow.

I love how the State of Oregon has parlayed our $5 investment into a million-dollar dream.

For gosh knows how many months, the ticket rode with me everywhere. Last Friday Dr T texted me the winning number.

Did we win?


1 Comment

  1. Jeff said,

    I was at Resorts International in Atlantic City about 3 weeks ago playing Roulette, and of all as Bogart would say….Of all the dames….Can you guess sat down next to me?….”Snooki” for fucking real ! and yes this broad is as DUMB as she plays on Jersey Shore. Snooki was doing a Promotion for the casino and the joint was packed. I played $25.00 straight-up on 8 Black and won $875.00 and she was on 9 Red with a green chip ($25) when the dealer proceeded to pay me off…Snooki wanted to know if she won anything as she was only one number off.
    Swear to God…This country is going to HELL fast!
    And what makes this humorous, she was dead serious!

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