The Bionic Barber

June 12, 2013 at 11:07 am (Clairissa, Sweet sticky things)

union barber

“Where you been? It’s been four months. You and Meg should be needing some hair love by now…”

It was the lovely Clairissa, texting a hello. Had it really been four months since she wandered into the Waterfront store, plopped down her duffel-bag and trimmed my ends?

“Can’t speak for Meg, but I’m getting a total case of square-head. Let’s make plans.”

Yesterday plans came to fruition.

I’ve been on a run at work. (Something like three days off in 28 when it’s done.) That hasn’t left time for much of anything, besides chasing girls and sleeping. You know, the all-important stuff. Laundry has been postponed twice now. You may begin seeing me dressed like a Juggalo. That’s because I’ll have to go buy disposable clothes at Value Village if I don’t get a free day soon.

I had to work last night, but made time for Clairissa anyway. She has a new place off MLK, and I made an early morning adventure out of it. I took MAX downtown and caught the bus where I could get a seat. I gazed out the window and traveled back in time. I used to love taking the Union Avenue bus to Jantzen Beach. I’d stare out the window and lust after the skimpy-dressed hookers. MLK is different now. The area had a lot more black people when it was simply Union Avenue.

I knew I was getting close when I saw Reggie B’s barber shop. As I departed I passed a familiar face. Cookie was getting on the bus. She was dressed for work, her hair was still down and she looked like her motor wasn’t quite running yet. She smiled and said hi, but I could see the “What the hell are you doing on my bus?” look creeping across her lovely face as I waved hi and bye.

Clairissa rolled up on her bike. “Going to get a beer. Meet you there?”

“Yes.” I hadn’t been ‘there’ yet, but I had the address…

Took me about thirty seconds of walking.

Soon the lady-barber-babe was tossing her bike onto the porch and leading me into a strange house. I met a roommate, she showed me her room, then we went to the back deck, where she had set up a chair, mirrors, various sharp objects she planned to use on my head, etc…

She trimmed my ends, we told love-war stories. I heard about patches of erotic thigh hair, told stories of jackrabbit sex in wacky places, all the while she’s plucking this, shaving that. Piling my hair up like Aunt Bea, then giving me pigtails like Dorothy in Wizard of Oz. Same old fun stuff.

Bionic ankleAfter I was looking marvelous, we went to her room. She wanted to see my scar, so I let her look. Then, of course, she had to one-up me. I will happily forfeit this round if I don’t have to look at her ankle until the skin grows back over it.

She has rigged a piece of bubble-wrap that she wears between sock and bandage. Apparently a whack on the ankle-bone, while always ouchy, would be devastating to her. She told me, “You don’t realize how much you get hit there until it’s sore.”

We unloaded on each other a bit, and I left feeling refreshed, the way I used to after a haircut. We marveled at how each other looked. “You look like a completely different person than the one I met.” Yeay, that was about 170 pounds ago…

Clairissa? Other than the ankle-trauma, the woman is in crazy-amazing shape. When she removed her overshirt to start the haircut, I marveled at how she’d lost her tummy pouch. “That ain’t nothin’ Check this out…” She pulled up her sports bra. “Dig the tan lines, and my boobs have gotten smaller.”

“Not by much, ” I muttered weakly. I still get tongue-tied when the girls come out.

“That’s more like it,” she said as she put my hand on one. “They’re smaller, but firmer.”


I admired her now-sculpted body. All the formerly squishy-parts have tightened up, and she’s got the body of a construction worker. A very attractive female construction worker. She flexed, and I realized she could snap me in half if she wanted to.

I’ve missed Clairissa. We’ve both been having a time of it, some good some bad. I love my friend, and am happy she’s back around. My hair is still long, but it’s neat. Much like my friendship with Clairissa. ❤

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