Welcome To Bartertown!

April 27, 2015 at 10:56 am (Cussed Dumbers)

“Can I have a cup of water?” She was 22. I would find out later when looking up her mugshot.

“No,” said Festus. He was the lunch person, and had been having a rough couple hours.

“I’ll show you my boobs for a cup of ice water.” She smiled at me.

“Go get a cup of water.” I shot a look at Festus that said, “I’ll handle this one…”

“Thank you!” She went to the soda fountain, asked which cup, etc… Festus went over in an attempt to be civil and pointed to the cups and water dispenser. She took the cup and went over by the door, talking to herself. She danced around, talking colorful nonsense. Customers came and went, giving her wary glances.

Festus left, and she smiled at me. “Can I have a muffin? I’ll show you my muffin for a muffin?” She leaned back against the Dasani cooler and lifted her shirt, pulled her sweats out, exposing a neatly trimmed bush. She pulled her vulva to and fro, covering up when a young woman entered the store.

There was a bag of Little Debbie’s donuts, expired by a month. I popped it open and bit into one. It was as fresh as brand new. (How do they do that?) “Would you like a donut?” I handed her the bag. She accepted, and it was gone in five minutes.

She made eyes with me, smiling, flirting. She explained how she arrived from California a few days ago, and her friends had ditched her in Gresham, and somehow she had ended up in downtown Portland without shoes. “Do you sell shoes? Socks?”

“Nope. Sorry.”

She removed the wet socks. Her sweatpants were wet to the knees, so she took those off as well, leaving a skirt-like garment that resembled the loincloth worn by Ron Ely’s Tarzan. She flitted and danced some more. I was drawing a crowd of homeless guys standing outside the store, watching through the window.

Eventually she put her pants on and got on the MAX. As she was leaving, she kissed me on the lips and thanked me for putting up with her, and for the donuts.

I tucked another $2 into her shirt pocket. “You still haven’t shown me your boobs,” I reminded her.

“Oh!” She unbuttoned her shirt, cupped one breast, then the other.

As she lifted her shirt, Little Buddy walked in. “Oh my heavens!” he exclaimed and turned to leave. “I see you’re busy.”

“Not any more,” I said as she ran to board the MAX. She blew kisses and smiles as the train pulled out and turned around the bend.

A $2 bag of Little Debbie’s donuts is one of the store’s best values. Some days more than others.

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