Double Nickel Holiday with SPAREBOB SPONGEPANTS!

May 30, 2016 at 5:30 am (Cosmic Encounters, The Easy Chair)

Dr T was getting ready to leave work. “You need to follow her to the back room for a minute. I’ve got the front.” He went behind the cash register, and handed me the key to the office of the Nightclub Store. I fell in behind Dr T’s fiancee Jem, who had a small shopping bag. WTF?

Raisin Suspicion

Raisin Suspicion

Customers followed us like puppies, so I smiled as I locked them out. “Sorry, private party.” Jem set the bag on the desk, and handed me a box wrapped in Sunday comics.

“Ooh! Eww! Raisins? That sumbitch!” Dr T knows about my love of raisins. He wouldn’t dare…

“Do you know how hard it was to buy your presents when you were standing right there?” She handed me a tiny gift bag. Inside was a salad bar of medical marijuana medibles. A week or so ago, I’d followed them to The Dispensary near work, and gave numerous reviews and accolades. I gave Dr T the full tutorial, unaware that I was picking out my own birthday party.

A small baggie with three joints, each a different strain.. Strawberry Rhino? Welcome to the gay zoo, big fella! I keep forgetting the middle strain, which was Sweet Dreams, and Tangerine Dream. OOH LOOKIE! There’s a Squib! (119 mg THC.) And a Laffy Taffy! (152 mg THC.) And some Wild Gummiez, raspberry flavored. (Four individual gummies, 25 mg each. SATIVA.) My brain was divvying them up for events, and the wrapping hadn’t hit the floor.

“Oh, here.” Jem handed me a sponge.

A sponge? I looked at it. Comic shot at me not having Rain sponging off me anymore?

“It goes with your birthday card,” said Jem.

Sure enough, inside the envelope was a card with a Build Your Own Spongebob. “Look, even Spongebob has lost weight!” The sponge was tapered inward.

“WHOOOO… Lives in a diaper
And smells like-a pee?

SPAREBOB SPONGEPANTS!

Derelict, vagrant and
homeless is he…

SPAREBOB SPONGEPANTS!”

“Okay okay, that’s enough birthday song…” said Jem. I still prefer my version to the original.

We hugged, then moved the party out front, where Dr T was wrangling a corn-toothed soda-filcher. He got a hug and a hearty thank-you.

I have big plans for my birthday presents. Atypical of me, normal for a 55-year-old white hippie dude.

Off to the garden…

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1 Comment

  1. Raisin_McRaisinFace said,

    And we’ve got to get ourselves back to the garden 🙂

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