“Free Is A Very Good Price!”

June 8, 2016 at 11:25 am (On the road again...)

It was 10:30 PM, and I was answering my phone in front of the Mothership. “I’d love to talk, but I have to move a TV.”

“But it’s 10:30 at night…”

“Yeah.” I hung up. It did sound kinda bad.

Rain was with me, and asked, “What’s this about free TVs?”

“The hotel where my sister work is getting all new TVs for the rooms. We’re scoring one for my Nephew.”

“I want one!”

Of course you do.

Rain’s new apartment is well-furnished, but her TV is a small 32-inch table model. When she moved out of her nice apartment, she’d had two 50-inch big screen models. I told her I’d see what I could do. But first, I had to get mine home…

TV ala cartI borrowed the hand-truck from the Waterfront Store. It had one Bungee cord; sister’s co-worker was nice and brought me some clear packing tape. It would keep the cords and remote inside the box. Once off work, Sister joined me in the underground garage. With much careful wriggling and a couple grunts, we got the heavy-as-hell HDTV 50-inch Panasonic Plasma Television on its side on the hand truck, ready to roll.

Police cars rolled slowly past. They often do, Central Precinct is a couple blocks away. They would stop and watch before easing off. I rolled the TV past the Irish bar, where the Dispensary budtender was nursing a drink. He smiled wide, “Fell of a truck?”

“Yeah, something like that!” I don’t know if he could see my wink, it was dark along the avenue. “Free is a very good price!” I borrowed a famous line from Tom Peterson, TV icon and Portland Wrestling advertiser. Onward into the night.

We waited at the end of the bridge. If the driver turns out to be an asshole, I can either walk it up the hill to the MAX, or hide it overnight at the Waterfront Store. I told Sister not to worry.

I gave out a sigh of relief as I saw the Hawthorne bus driver, David Crosby. (You’d swear it was the real deal; his hair and Yosemite Sam moustache are spot-on.) His smirk was priceless. He lowered the handicapped ramp, and I made comments relating to tight fits, 23rd Avenue, dumbass drivers. I braced the TV into a side seat and held it all the way to the end of the line.

The nine-block walk home took twice as long, but I got the SOB there without incident. It’s now wedged in next to the far wall of my room, awaiting the day my other big-screen TV passes on. It’s nice to have back-up.

The next morning, Sister and I met Rain at the hotel. There had been twenty or so TVs when I’d been there. Sister came from the dumpster area with a thumbs-down. “They’re all gone! There’s only one broken one.”

Rain gave her a hug. “Ain’t no thing. Didn’t hurt to try.”

As they talked, an older, distinguished gentleman passed. Sister ran to the front door of the hotel. She came back and said to Rain, “That was god, the regional manager. Apparently the guys installing the new TVs broke four of the new ones, so they had to take a few of the old ones back. Good news! When they replace the broken new TVs, I have first shot at one of the old ones. So I will be in touch.”

So everyone is happy, mostly. Nephew doesn’t care about cable hookups, he will be playing video games in a theater-sized environment. Sis will be replacing the 25-inch tube TV that’s been in the corner for years. I have to hook it up for her, as soon as she finds a place for it.

And Rain will get her TV, albeit a couple weeks from now. In the meantime, she wants me to come over and assemble her bathroom rack. I feel my head exploding… But what the hell, she got it for free…


  1. Richard said,

    Amazin what can get hoisted into a tri met via wit a little determination, tape, and acfruendly driver.

  2. Astronaut-Diapers said,

    Hey, with Gender-Neutral bathrooms being all the rage now in Portland, and if you’re BR at home is as such, you can put your TV in there.
    *cricket sounds*
    “ooh, tough crowd”.

  3. Yogi's_Yo-Yo _Yoga_Yogurt said,

    So donating plasma comes full circle at last now eh?

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