Johnny Appleweed

July 18, 2016 at 4:20 pm (Cosmic Encounters, On the road again...)

My dad was an easy touch when it came to helping other people with their gardens. He’d rototill for ya, weed your garden if needed. I’m not that useful, but I do have an altruistic streak when it comes to helping friends stay comfortable. I’ve never considered myself a weed dealer, but I have facilitated a lot of transactions. Mostly because I want to take care of those I love, and want them treated the way I’d want to be treated.

For What Ails Ya...

For What Ails Ya…

When Dizzy realized I wasn’t full of shit after I took her to an eastside dispensary and she got a quarter-ounce $20 cheaper, she waits until I am working to request a hookup. (My medical card dispenses with silly limits, and I don’t have to pay 25% sales tax.) I have offered to just do it, but she says, “You need to be fuckin’ somebody to get that kind of service!” I suggested we negotiate, but negotiations have stalled.

I have a friend with a bad back, and he wanted something that would work besides pain pills. While I have benefited greatly from his transference from opiates to cannabinoids, he’s doing it for a reason. Little by little all the old-timers are being cut off. The pill sources around Portland have dried up almost completely, and it’s for the best. I need to step away from the pills, and what better way than to do it the old organic way. I’ll smoke weed!

My friend provided a healthy budget to work with. After discussing what benefits he sought, we settled on beeswax capsules for edibles, and a vapor pen with high CBD dosages. You don’t get high, but the pain in your feet magically disappear. It’s a miracle!

I knew what I wanted, so I began calling around. The perfect mix would be like what Dizzy had given me, 21% THC and 35% CBD. It was perfect for work. A little buzz, a lot of relief.

Unfortunately, the Great Opiate Crackledown has sent all the old hippies to the weed stores to scoop up all the good pain relief. Several calls netted only hopes of deliveries in a week or two. Sigh. My friend needed it before then. What to do?

I stopped by the Dispensary near the Waterfront Store. I had a loose ten-spot, a Laffy Taffy might make my thought process work better. My Hawaiian buddy was behind the counter, and it was slow. Perfect!

I told him what I wanted, and he pondered. “You know, people have been snatching up the CBD stuff as fast as it hits the shelf. We may have a delivery this week, but it’ll probably just be high THC stuff. Not that that’s a bad thing…” He grinned. Then a light went off in his head. “Be right back,” he said as he ducked into the office.

High Tech High

High Tech High

“I have a sampler model of this. It’s a straight CBD, you get a gram, with pen, battery, and recharger. With your discount, you could afford this and a gram of the high THC stuff. The cartridges are interchangeable; just unscrew the THC one and put on the CBD one if that’s what you want.” I told him of my woes, and he came back from the office once again. We’ll sneak this in on your discount. It’s a 79% THC sativa, and will work with that pen you showed me the other day. Merry Christmas, Charles.”

We bumped knuckles, and I thanked him profusely. I have never had the nerve to ask what kind of discount I’m getting. It’s a blessing, and I accept graciously. Other than giving him some private information once when I thought he was in someone’s crosshairs, he has no reason to be in my debt. But goddammit, if he’s going to give me a discount, I’m going to say thank you and be fucking grateful! Even *if* the sativa cartridge has a pink tip. Electric Virginia Slim.

I have a couple more errands to run before I drop my buddy’s package off. Who knows, the rewards from good deeds have been plentiful today, and the day’s not over.

Praise cheeses!

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1 Comment

  1. Jeff said,

    Behold!!! This is a picture of beauty. You would make a great motion picture set designer.

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