All Hail Laffy Taffy!

August 2, 2016 at 4:20 am (Cosmic Encounters, On the road again...)

Ten years ago I’d have been called a weed dealer. These days I’m a “caregiver.”

I’m not trying to be cynical or sarcastic. This is wonderful! I’ve gone from that Dude in the Alley to “The Nice Man that helps Uncle’Jeff’s back.” It’s about time! I do miss the shady side of weed. Getting away with it was half the fun.

These days it’s more about getting through the day than the latest episode of Thrillseekers. Instead of looking for something that will “fuck your shit up”, these days people can choose major, little or no effect. Just read the label!

Laffy Taffys, as my clique calls them, are a workday staple. Costing $5-$25 and varying in strength, these portable godsends can make the difference between a pleasant workshift and a night on the milk crates, praying for the clock to hurry up and tick so you can go home and crawl into bed. You can get comfortable, pain-free or all fucked up. Just read the label.

Pull My Taffy

Pull My Taffy

Silver Label: Regular Strength, THC content 70+mg. One of these early in the morning is great for a day off, say a Saturday brunch and nap. If you are a lightweight, this might be too much. Anyone who has eaten ten beeswax caps can handle one of these. Don’t drive.

Blue Label: Double-strength, THC content 170 mg. I eat half, then the other half an hour or so later. It gives the THC time to creep, instead of putting you to sleep. These cover me for a whole work day.

Purple Label: Indica, 177 mg. This was a pleasant surprise. At $10, and 177 mg, this is cost-effective AND fucking potent. I split one with my sister before running errands. I was all teeth and no eyes. NOT for work.

Black Label: The Fatty, 261 mg, 2.+ mg CBD. These are my sister’s favorite. She quarters them for work. I ate a third of one as I began typing this, and am getting a warm feeling in my bones. (Warm, not burning. Big difference.) A whole one would put me in a coma, so sneak up on this one. It will knock you out, said mama.

Gold Label: All CBD, and the most expensive. I haven’t tried this one, because if I’m spending $25 I want to catch a buzz. Works amazingly for pain, I hear.

All of these team up splendidly with opiates. If you have oxycodone, morphine etc… you can make your dope go twice as far my eating half a taffy with your pills. You’ll be functionally drunk, and it feels like a hug from within. But… Don’t get too attached to this feeling. It’s a bitch if you get addicted.

Opiates, as a way of life, appear to be on the way out. As much as it pains me, (see what I did there?) the doctors are right. Ibuprofen works better long-term. (Opiates are more fun, though.) There will always be heroin, but I’m not fond of the buzz enough to subject myself to that kind of life change. I know me. I could never maintain a heroin lifestyle. It would kill me, one way or another.

So I am enjoying my Laffy Taffy this morning, about to price-check some CBD cartridges, pick up some goodies for my friends. Even though they can go do it themselves, they prefer me to shop for them. That’s okay with me. Yesterday my new Senior Discount was substantial enough to pay for a Black Label taffy. It will be gone by the time I get to the Pickles game tonight. Baseball oughta be a hoot!

Happy Tuesday, everybody.


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