Xmas 2016: A Final Note

December 29, 2016 at 5:30 pm (Cussed Dumbers)

Courtesy of Bojack.org

Courtesy of Bojack.org

I arrived at the Waterfront Store just as Uncle Cliffy came out of the back office with my till. “I’ll take that,” I said. I took the cash register drawer from him and went into the employee office.

Mrs Brady was working with me. Wednesday is freight day, so I have a helper. Since she would be working with me for three hours, I felt no need to rush.

I counted the safe first. The rolled coins, then the bundles of bills. I didn’t bother counting the bundles of ones. Coworkers aren’t desperate enough to steal ones.

BUT. There have been a rash of shortages involving bundles of $5s. One or two bills missing from one or two stacks. Accidents happen, but not consistently, not repeatedly, not without intent. I have been helping catch the mice in the pantry. I counted every $5. On the dot, the way it always is when it’s Uncle Cliffy’s safe. Same with his till. But I had time, ten hours worth. I decided to count his till.

Just to double check.

Rolls of coin, $35, check. 8.25 quarters. $4.20 in dimes, heh. The rest… fuck it. $48 in change.

There was a bundle of $5s, two bundles of $1s and two loose dollars. As I absent-mindedly thumbed through a bundle of ones, an odd flash of green caught my eye. Wait, what?

I looked again, then hollered for Uncle Cliffy. Mrs Brady laughed. “He’s got tomorrow off. He’s outta here.”

“Do me a favor, count this?” I handed her the bundle of ones.

“Sure.” When she got to around dollar-bill number 22 she stopped. Mrs Brady, not one prone to cuss, said “What the fuck?”

She saw the same thing I saw. Instead of a one-dollar bill, it was a twenty.

I called and left a message for Uncle Cliffy. He was taking his weekend seriously, his phone already turned off. He called back a couple hours later. His money had been fine, he said. “I bought the bundles of ones from the safe. Be sure to count everything.”

“Aye aye, captain.” I had corrected someone’s past mistake, apparently.

Both Mrs Brady and Uncle Cliffy praised my honesty, but for $20 I’d rather sleep well than worry about whether it was a test or not. Because it was a test. $20 buys a lot of grub at Winco, or a couple Squibs at the Dispensary.

But that twenty bucks back in my boss’s pocket will also buy me a good night’s sleep. Lead us not into temptation, said somebody somewhere once upon a time….


1 Comment

  1. ArtEast said,

    Thanks for all the great reads of 2016!
    Lookin’ forward to 2017’s DGB Mate.
    May it be as kind & generous as you are.
    Happy New Year🤑🤖😼

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